Delving Into the Past: For Therapeutic Purposes Only, Apr. 2006

You decided that our relationship was too stressful, so you broke up with me. What made it alright was that you told me that it was something you wanted to try again. Ok, fine.

I gave you your space and two weeks later we decided to try again. I was the happiest man on earth. You told me you were happy too. The next day we talked on the phone and you seemed happy still. Not twelve hours later you call me again and your attitude has turned a complete 180. You're still too stressed, but you still love me. This is not alright.

I'm a very forgiving person, too forgiving at times, in fact. But suddenly changing your mind makes me wonder. What could have caused you to change your mind so dramatically, so quickly?

I can't help but feel supicious. Is it someone else? Have you done something that you regret? Have I done something wrong? Are you arranging something in such a way that you won't be tied down to do something you would regret?

I'm not accusing you of anything; like I said, I just wonder. Did someone convince you to change your mind so quickly? Are you being pressured into thinking this way?

What's more is that I feel as though you aren't telling me everything. Yeah, you're stressed. I know, because I'm stressed too. Granted, this stresses me out even more, but this isn't about me. I wasn't doing enough the first time around, but this time I was determined to make every effort to be there for you when you needed me. Now I feel like you only want me to be around when it's convenient to you.

I'd like to be able to support you when you're not at your best, but I can't do that and only be your friend at the same time.

I told you I wasn't angry with you. But I am upset, though. This sort of thing makes me bitter. I'll probably be angry for quite a while. But I don't want you to think it's your fault. You aren't the first to have done this to me.

Now that I've thought about it, maybe this is about me. Maybe this is my grown-up-ish way of whining that it isn't fair. Maybe i'm being selfish. Whatever it is, I'll go mope in the corner, and cry, and be emo for a few days, but I'll get over it.